I Want More Than Just Sex!

by Jay Stewart

In a way it’s not due to a lack of ability or interest, but I want more than just sex!!! Trust me, I still have the urge and the idea of a great lay is enticing; however, I can’t fathom another one night stand. You can call me a romantic or old fashion, but being gay after 40, I’m looking for more than a body. I want a partner, a mate, more specifically, a guy who can come over for dinner and a movie. Nope, that’s not a euphemism for sexy times, it’s an invitation to good food and a movie that we can both enjoy. I actually want to watch the movie and not just have it as background noise while having sex. Readers…if you’re with me on this and want more than just sex – here’s some thoughts on how to get it.

Meet his mind before his body
In today’s age of social apps galore (e.g. Grindr, Hornet, Scruff), way too often we’re meeting the guy physically before we meet him emotionally/intellectually. One way is to avoid any guy who starts the conversation off by sending you naked pics. He’s likely interest is in just sex and remember, we want more than sex! To avoid those into merely your physical attributes, put in your profile that you’re looking for dates not play. Don’t post any revealing pics (even a beach shot) and refuse to send any. If he still doesn’t get it, block him because he will never get the big picture. Ensure that the guys that you’re attracting are into your g rated pics and your online personality.

Be clear about your intentions
There’s nothing worse than a first date that lacks clarity. If you’re meeting up at 2 a.m. and you’ve just met online, then it’s likely that the intention is not for meaningful conversation but a booty call. If you spend the whole date talking about sex, your urges, fantasies, past experiences etc., then the guy has a right to presume that he’s going to get laid. Instead, be clear about your intentions from the get go. Do a coffee meet up and steer the conversation clear of sex. Talk about your work, your hobbies, your family, your goals, etc.

Don’t be easy
This should be an obvious one, but it can be hard to break old habits. If you’re the type that’s cool with sex on the first date, then it’s going to be hard to find more than just a sexual relationship. If you’re willing to make him and yourself wait awhile, then it’s going to build a relationship that’s not based strictly on sex. We’re in no way stating that you shouldn’t have sex, just make it an enhancement to the relationship. If you have shared interests, enjoy each other’s friends, then it’ll make having a great sex life even better. You must create a foundation for the relationship so it will evolve into a stronger bond. He will miss you not for the lay but because of your unique companionship and shared non- sexual experiences. He will remember your distinct laugh, the way you smile, the enthusiasm of your zest for life and not just sex.

Being single and gay after 40 can be an exciting time! You likely have a decent job, your dream place, and now you’re after a relationship. For some, it may be a time for daily booty calls. Others are interested in more than just sex! To accomplish this feat, it involves meeting a guy’s mind before his body, being clear about your intentions, and not being easy.

So try out what I just wrote about: Next time you meet someone you like, get to know each other platonically first. It may be difficult, because the urge is there. It is great to receive attention but you need to get to the big picture-a long term relationship. Try to hold off on until at least the third date…or more — if he sticks around, he’s likely interested in more than just sex.

If he does run off, it’s probably less about how you act and more about the guys you choose. We all know there are plenty of booty hunters out there; look, if you want a guy with boyfriend potential, make sure he treats you with respect but you must respect yourself by following these simple thoughts.

Find more interesting articles about Gay Life at: Gay Life After 40